The Dream Date Game!
by Silver Unicorn
Summary: Yes it's the Dream Date slayers style! Where you can find the man of your dreams, or go away with a consilation prize a can of re-fryed beans! Just updated Chaper 4 is now up!
1. The insanity begins!

Disclaimer: Lala don't own a thing!  
  
* The lights turn on and a Dating Show Game stage comes into view. It covered in badly drawn hearts, and cut out paper thingies. A live audience begins to cheer wildly, and lame theme song with mushy lyrics starts to play loudly. *  
  
Announcer: Hi didily ho all you love fans welcome back to another exciting episode The Dream Date Game!!!  
  
Audience: * cheers *  
  
Announcer: Now give it up for your host the dashing, charming, and lady- killer Wink Martindale!!!  
  
* Wink Martindale jumps on the stage. He is dressed in a brown suit with a blue and greenish colored tie. He has a cheesy grin slapped on his face; he is one of those people who think they are all down with the ladies. He is waaaayyyy to full of him self. He blows kisses to random women in the audience. The women scream like he is the all mighty Man-God and throw panties and bras on the stage. *  
  
Wink: Hey hey hey! You women are too kind seriously!  
  
Audience: * laughs insanely like he actually said something funny. *  
  
Wink: Ok settle down folks cause we've got a great show for you tonight! Tonight we will see if our lucky lady will find the man on her dreams, or go home feeling like she wasted her whole young life trying to find someone out there that thinks she is prettier then her mother!  
  
Audience: * cheers, and a few men dressed up like enchiladas from Taco Bell run up and down the isles until they pass out. *  
  
Wink: So let us meet our lucky woman shall we?  
  
Audience: YEAH!!!!  
  
One guy in the Audience: NO! * Everyone glares at him * I mean .. Uh.. YEAH!  
  
Wink: Here she is the spunky sassy girl of sorcery. That famous bandit killer and dragon slayer. Miss Lina Inverse!!  
  
* Lina walks one stage in her full travel outfit. She wave's to everyone and strikes all these goofy girly posses before she sits on this chair shaped like a gigantic heart. The Audience cheers and a few men whistle*  
  
One guy in the Audience: BOO!!! Lina you suck!!  
  
Lina: * vain pops out on forehead * Fire Ball!!! * Throws a fire ball into the audience and that guy is brunt to a crisp*  
  
One Guy in the Audience: .. Ouchers ... Fire me no likey.. * falls over all swirly eyed*  
  
Lina: * her teeth are pointed like fangs* Any more sudden out burst like that, and each and every one of ya is going is going to get a taste of old Betsy! * Waves her fist in the air* Got it punks??!!  
  
Audience: * nods in unison *  
  
Wink: * sweat drops* Uh right. So Lina lets get to know some of the lucky men who you can go out with!  
  
* The lights go up on the other side of the stage that a divider has separated from the view of Lina. Three men are seen sitting on three stools. The one sitting in the first stool is Zel; he doesn't look like his is trilled to be here. The second one on the second stool is Gourry; he is looking around with a confused look on his face like he just appeared out of nowhere. Xellos is the third and final bachelor on the last stool; he grins and does his famous pose. A few Xellos fan girls who have been swooning over him giggle and say how much they want him and that shirt he is in*  
  
Wink: Ok bachelor number one tell us a little about your self.  
  
Zel: I have nice hair and a good figure and.  
  
Xellos: * snickers*  
  
Zel: Shut up you dirty Tramp!!* Jumps off his stool and punches Xellos dead on the side of his face. Xellos falls off the stool and conks his head against the hard wooden floor*  
  
Audience: * laughs like mad, and the few Xellos fan girls fume in their place*  
  
Xellos: * all swirly eyed* Uh. I'll have.. another SP.. Oon of bak.Ed beans than.k you Mot.her.  
  
Zel: * positions himself back on the stool* as I was saying and I like magic and the planet Saturn.  
  
Lina: Hmmm.  
  
Wink: What about you bachelor number three?  
  
Xellos: * manages to pull himself back on the stool, he holds the side of his face* Well I enjoy magic and bubble baths and my pink fuzzy bunny slippers. I really like girls with a good sense of humor.  
  
Xellos Fan Girls: * sighs * He's soooo dreamy!  
  
Zel: * snorts* Yeah right!  
  
Xellos Fan Girls: * throw a Portuguese wrestler at him *  
  
Zel: AHHHHH!!!!!!!! * Gets crushed by this mass of flesh and Portuguese manliness *  
  
Portuguese wrestler: Coma La Shinmea Jokka latoo hima!  
  
Gourry and Xellos: * sweat drops*  
  
Gourry: * whispers to Xellos * I didn't know you had fans.  
  
Xellos: * shrugs in return *  
  
Wink: Well that's all of them Lina what did you think?  
  
Gourry: Hey you didn't interview me!!  
  
Wink: Oh I'm sorry you must have slipped my mind. Bachelor number two tell us a little bit about you.  
  
Gourry: Ok I.  
  
Wink: All right don't care, and we'll be right back to the Dream Dating Game right after this commercial break!!  
  
Gourry: Hey wait!! I'm confused . 


	2. What kind of wacked up questions r these

Chapter 2 - What kind of whacked up questions are these?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing, if it ain't got that swing! * Dances around in circles*  
  
Wink: Ok we're back to the Dream Date Game!!  
  
Audience: YAH!!!!!!!! * People start to do the YMCA and the Alley cat then The Xellos fan girls make evil plots to steal Xellos *  
  
Wink: Lets start the question and answer round shall we? Now Lina you read off this card and the lucky male people will answer, and you can decide which one you like by their answers ok?  
  
Lina: * shrugs* Sure why not. * Takes the cards from Wink and starts to read* Ok Batcher number 3 . I'm a girl who is really big on taste, so if you took me to a restaurant what's the capital New Zealand?!  
  
Xellos: Burger King! I mean uh. that capital of New Zealand? What kind of dating question is that? It has nothing to do with restaurants!  
  
* A loud beep sound goes off *  
  
Wink: Oh I'm sorry you ran out of time, so what is your finally answer?  
  
Xellos: What? I don't understand what's going on!  
  
Wink: Is that your finally answer?  
  
Xellos: NoNoNo!! It's uh uh uh capital of New Zealand it's uh.. Wellington!!  
  
Wink: ooooo I'm sorry the correct answer was any kind of restaurant Wellington is a capital. You lose 1,000 life points! * A counter on Xellos chair goes down 1,000 life points. Xellos just blankly stares, and the fan girls pout. *  
  
Xellos: The hell!!?? This isn't yu-gi-oh!! What kind of Game show is this??!!  
  
Everyone: Now that's a secret!!  
  
Xellos: I knew that would come back and haunt me some day.  
  
Lina: Ok next question, batcher number one if I was some kind cool car I'd be a curvet, so what kind of pie is baked?!  
  
Zel: Pie? What.? * Looks over at Xellos for any answers on what the hell is going on. *  
  
Xellos: * Gives the I-have-no-freak'n-clue-on-what's-going-on-so-just-wing- it-and-say-something-random look. *  
  
Zel: Umm uh. Chicken whooper? * Smiles stupidly*  
  
* Some crazed girl in the back of the room screams.. Actually her name is Carrie *  
  
Carrie: CHICKEN WHOOPER AND CHICKEN WHOOPER JR.!!!!!!!!! * She does the chicken whooper dance and clucks loudly*  
  
Wink: Ok back in the real world. I'm sorry the correct answer was Wellington.  
  
Zel: What's your problem??!! Wellington has nothing to do with this!! My answer was way closer then yours was!!  
  
Wink: Your answer was Sea to shinning sea, and that's a song.  
  
Zel: I never said that you fruit cake!!  
  
Wink: Oh but you will in the future.  
  
Zel: * blinks, for some strange reason he doesn't feel safe any more. *  
  
Lina: Can we get back to me!!!  
  
Zel: We have no chose it's either that or we have no story plot.  
  
Lina: Makes sense. Ok final question if for you batcher number two, how do you spell cat?  
  
Gourry: Cat? Oh great why did I get such a hard one!! They got all the easy questions!!  
  
Zel & Xellos: * falls over in traditional anime style *  
  
Zel: What the hell are you talking about numb nuts!!?? You got the question that actually makes sense!!  
  
Gourry: Can I phone a friend?  
  
Wink: No.  
  
Gourry: Ok I'd like to call the author of the story.  
  
Wink: Wait stop!!! That's not one of the options!!  
  
* After a few long rings someone picks up*  
  
Silver unicorn: What do you want?  
  
Wink: Hi this is Wink Martindale from the Dream Date Game and your friend Gourry needs your help on this question. So Gourry start now!  
  
Gourry: Ok How do you spell cat is it A. c-a-t B. b-a-t C. m-a-n-o-n-a-i- s-e D. all of the above?  
  
Silver Unicorn: It's A. A!!! * Phone thing cuts her off *  
  
Wink: So did she help you at all?  
  
Gourry: Yes I'll go with her and say B!  
  
Wink: She didn't say B she said A.  
  
Gourry: Oh sorry, I'll go with B!  
  
Wink: * sweatdrops* your not going to listen to me are you?  
  
Gourry: NOPE!!!  
  
Wink: I'm sorry you got it wrong!  
  
Gourry: MANONAISE!!!!!!!!  
  
Lina: * is asleep on her chair, then she snaps awake*  
  
Wink: So how did you like the answers Lina?  
  
Lina: They were poorly done; can I have a baked ham instead?  
  
Wink: * blinks * No, and we'll be back shortly after this commercial break!! Cause we can't hold our sanity for to long. 


	3. And the plot thinnines!

Chapter 3 And the plot thinness  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all!!  
  
Author: * appears out of nowhere * to avoid confusion with the story these last few chapters are about supposed to make any sense what's so ever. Thank you and have a healthy day! * The author evaporates. *  
  
TV guy: And we're back on in 5..4..3.2..1 and action! Cue host!  
  
* The dumb theme music comes back on and the camera focus's on the spot where the host is, but there's one problem the host is not there anymore *  
  
TV guy: Were the heck is he? * Looks over at Zel *  
  
Zel: * shrugs *  
  
TV guy: * looks over at Xellos *  
  
Xellos: * has his nose buried in a book called How to be a better pain in the butt in a few days *  
  
TV guy: * doesn't care what Gourry is doing so he doesn't bother to look over at him *  
  
Gourry: Viva la FRANCE!!  
  
Wink: * runs on stage, he has a big grin on his face *  
  
TV guy: where the heck were you the show started about 2 minutes ago?!!  
  
Wink: Uh.. Wouldn't you like to know?  
  
TV guy: * shrugs * that's just vague enough for me! * Turns into a chicken *  
  
Wink: * blinks * ok I'll pretend that never happened. So welcome back to the Dream date game! So Lina you ready?  
  
Lina: * snaps awake * Social studies! I mean yea sure.  
  
Wink: This is our physical challenge round, were our Characters get something done to them if they don't answer the questions right! And they have to answer in question form like that crackpot show with the ugly, old, and boring dude Alex Trident or something like that.  
  
* Zelgadis and Xellos groan, Gourry takes his shoes off. *  
  
Lina: * takes the cards from the host * Ok Bachelor number 1 this question is for you!  
  
Zel: I hate you. I mean yes continue!  
  
Lina: Ok here is it your first question is. * squints at the card she looks back up with a puzzling look on her face* .Blue?  
  
Wink: Blue? Let me see that thing * snatches the card from Lina, he looks it over for a few seconds * your right. all this card has written on it is the word Blue. What the heck were the writers thinking?  
  
* The scene switches to a door that says " the writers " written on it, the door opens to show a bunch of hairy monkeys jumping up and down on typewriters. *  
  
Wink: That was disturbing .  
  
Zel: I'm going to need therapy for the next 24 years.  
  
Xellos: * is reading a book called " your turkey and you " * hmm. so if I baste a turkey in cherries I'll get a nice crispy taste hmm. you learn something new every day!  
  
* Everyone stares at Xellos, except Lina she can't see him, there is an awkward silence *  
  
Cricket: chirp. chirp. chirp.chirp.  
  
Xellos: heh. uh. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIDE THE CURTAIN!!!!!!!  
  
* Audience members blink uncontrollably, the Xellos fan girls swoon *  
  
Xellos Fan girl number 5: Wow he's cracked! * Blow's a bubble with her gum and it pops all over her face. *  
  
Xellos Fan girl number 6: Like yea like I like know! * Giggle's like an airhead *  
  
Xellos Fan girl number: 23 ¾: It only makes him more delicious! * Is an airhead *  
  
* The Xellos fan girls sigh, and talk about Xellos's hair, panties, make- up, and other girly thingies. *  
  
Lina: LETS get back to ME!!!!  
  
Wink: Ok Ok bachelor number 1 just try and answer it, please before we all die.  
  
Zel: * grits his teeth * err.ok then what is a color?  
  
Wink: EEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR WRONG!!!!  
  
Zel: * gets hit in the face with a pie * GAHH!!!  
  
* The audience laughs, and Xellos snorts *  
  
Wink: bachelor number 2 would like to try if your sane that is?  
  
Xellos: * takes a deep breath * I'm ok now.all right.who is a color?  
  
Wink: EEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR WRONG!!!!  
  
Xellos: * gets hit in the face with a pie* WHAT THE?!  
  
* The audience is practical dieing with laugher, the Xellos fan girls cry, Zel points and laughs. *  
  
Gourry: I know I know pick me!!!  
  
Wink: Oh my god you're using your brain, that's a first, ok what is it?  
  
Gourry: Where is a color!!  
  
Wink: EEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR WRONG!!!!  
  
Gourry: COCNUT CREAM!!! * Gets hit in the face with a pie * Why is a color!  
  
Wink: EEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR WRONG!!!!  
  
Gourry: * Gets hit in the face again * When is a color! How is a color! Pokka dotted underpants!!!! The Shawnee River! Glass poodles! Mooseu Pork!! PLANET FITNESS!! * Gets hit is face about twelve times with assorted pies, he goes to take another breath *  
  
* Zel and Xellos put their hands over Gourry's mouth *  
  
Wink: Stop it do you like being hit with pies?!  
  
Gourry: Mfrhh ghhrff mmfffg tnggdd!!!  
  
* Zel and Xellos take their hands from his mouth *  
  
Xellos: Ok now talk.  
  
Gourry: What is dental floss!!  
  
* An extremely large and non- realistic pie falls hitting Zel, Xellos, and Gourry the audience blinks. An egg falls on Brittany's head *  
  
Brittany: YEAHH WHHOO FINALLY IN THE STORY!! WHO'S BAD WHO'S BAD WHOSE REALLY REALLY BAD!!  
  
* Silence once again, Brittany dances and hums to her own little theme song about her being the queen *  
  
Cricket: chirp. chirp. chirp. chirp  
  
* No one pays attention to the cricket *  
  
Cricket: * inhales deeply * CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP!!!!!!! * Blow's away half of the audience and part of Argentina. Lina gets hungry and eats it while Zel and Xellos get ready to kill Gourry. Gourry sings about the program Power Point *  
  
Lina: Cricket the other other green meat!  
  
Wink: Commercial break thank god!! I mean.uh. we'll be back when.whenever!! 


	4. All that and a bag of chips

Chapter 4- All that and a bag of chips!  
  
Disclaimer: GAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't own ANYTHING!!!!!! * Runs in circles until she passes out. *  
  
* On the TV in someone's living room the theme song turns on once again, a yellow spiky haired teen watches the TV dumbly *  
  
People on TV: This is The Everything Show it's about everything and anything no one really cares about!  
  
Cloud Strife: Hey hey hey what the Heck happened to my TV show? What kind of crap it this? * Picks up TV remote and chucks it at the infernal machine, in return the machine turns back to the Dream Date Game * Ah there it is.. Lina she is such a babe. I wish she'd go out with me instead of those morons.  
  
Cid: * appears almost on the spur of the moment * what about me sweet checks?  
  
Cloud Strife: Get away from me you drug addict!  
  
Cid: But I love you!  
  
Cloud Strife: * blinks, and starts to gag * I think I'm gonna puke...  
  
* Then by the most random happenings the world blows up everyone dies.  
The end. Wait a minute it can't end like this what a ridiculously lame  
ending. What happened to the game! Ok lets just rewind.*  
  
* The scene turns back to Xellos when he was a little kid, he is trying to do cartwheels on the beach, and he falls face first into the sand. He stands up and starts to run away from a group of girls. *  
  
Young Xellos fan girl number 5: Come back here Silly pants! * Blows a bubble with gum and it pops in her face *  
  
Young Xellos fan girl number 6: Like yeah like silly like pants! * Giggles like a airhead *  
  
Young Xellos fan girl number 23 ¾: We love you sugar booger! * Is an airhead *  
  
* The almighty author sweatdrops * Ok not that far back.  
  
* Scene goes back to the dream date game set *  
  
Wink: Finally!! Are you done being a moron?  
  
Almighty Author: Yes, I'm done continue.  
  
Audience: WAHOO!!!!!! * Cheers and waves rally towels. *  
  
Wink: And we're back to the Dream Date game!! I see our audience is happy with the free gifts they got!  
  
Random Audience Member: HECK YEAH THIS IS THE SHIT!! I"VE ALWAYS WANTED A DISH TOWEL, ALWAYS BABY!!  
  
Wink: * sweatdrops. * Ok simple things for simple minds I guess..  
  
Random Audience Member: AOL FREE CDS!! THE GIFT THAT NEVER STOPS GIVING!!  
  
Wink: Security.  
  
* Two large scary and hairy looking women from Sweden quickly pick up the Random Audience Member and start to cart this person away. *  
  
Random Audience Member: YOU CAN"T SILENCE ME!!!! DOING THAT IS LIKE SILENCING THE PEOPLE!!! I HAVE MY RIGHT'S!! I HAVE A NAME I'M NOT SOME NUMBER YOU CAN AHHHH!!! * Gets tossed out the side door, and lays on the ground all swirly eyed. * I lik..e t..he ch..ile..  
  
Wink: So as I..  
  
Gourry: Yoplait yogurt makes me sick it's too chunky and too thick!  
  
Wink: Will everyone please stop inte..  
  
Xellos: A-Ah-ACHOO POTATO SALAD!  
  
* Everyone stares at Xellos. *  
  
Xellos: What? That's how I sneeze!  
  
* Everyone blinks. *  
  
Xellos fan girl number 5: I knew he sneezed like that! * Blows a bubble with gum and it pops in her face *  
  
Xellos fan girl number 6: Oh like my like gaud! Like I like so like knew like that! * Giggles like a airhead *  
  
Xellos fan girl number 23 ¾: Oh shut up! No way! Totally tubular! Rad and word! * Is an airhead *  
  
* The fan girls babble on and on till they run out of gas. *  
  
Lina: * All whiney like. * Come come we don't have all day here!!  
  
Wink: That's what I wa..  
  
Zel: Well at least you're toilet doesn't go Flush Captain Crunch.  
  
Gourry: Lucky! My toilet just goes around and around and around and around and around and around.. Then WHEEEEEE!!! I'm a butterfly spread me on bread!  
  
Wink: WILL YOU GUYS ST.. * Bowling ball falls from the ceiling and hits him on the head. *  
  
Zel: Hey don't you think that was a little violent?  
  
* Another bowling ball falls on Wink with a pink flamingo doing the mambo in a tee shirt that says, " Mr. Weaver loves 80's music and he's not afraid to tell the world ". *  
  
Lina: Now that's more like it!  
  
Gourry: I've taken a dump in the cam ode and there's nothing you can do about it!  
  
* Cricket in Lina's stomach chirps. *  
  
Lina: * Looks down at Wink and picks up his microphone. * And we'll be back soon after these messages!  
  
Notes: Yes I do know that Xellos is over 2,000 years old and it's sort of impossible for the fan girls to be his age when he was young but you know what? Fan girls never die! We just keep coming back no matter how many times you kill us! Fear the fans! 


End file.
